Crossplanet

Deception, desesperateness and hopelessness. Why fall for someone who doesn't care? Want to double-lock that door. Whom wants me will have to come and get me. Tired of it all. Want to cry and scream. Blow out that frail candle that did light up again, lock me in, never see anyone again.

And put back on that mask and hide myself behind, and draw the usual smile.

Fear of what will come in front of my eyes, fear to see him, feel a twinge of my heart. Unfair? Why not me?

And yet I will have to live on, one more day, and another one, this cycle of days and nights that never never ends, always the same, nothing new on the horizon, the hope of a change that becomes smaller and smaller, the end of this loneliness that never comes. Crossing through this long emotional desert, death valley or desert of Gobi, empty immensity ahead of me. And yet I have to go through, and I don't see the end of it.

Is there an end of it? Somebody to talk to me? to see me? to see what sleeps in me for so long now? somebody to hug me?

Sadness. Resentment. Anger?

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
the wisdom to know the difference.

Grita – She sells hair-pins on the water-front in Kanyakumari. Although we didn’t speak the same language, we manage to communicate and that was fun!

Scot – A young fisherman in Rameswaram. We had great moments, swimming on the coral barrier, watching fishes, having lunch prepared by his mother. Then we went together to Madurai, he stayed one day with me, sightseeing and playing with the remote control of the color TV at the hotel.

Petrina – A sweet silly 11-years old girl living in Trichy. Her family hosted me for 2 days, and it was a really interesting experience to share their life.

Rajan – He hosted me on my arrival and departure in Chennai. Smart young man, we had really interesting talks, and nice dinners. His mother cooked traditional south specialities for me.

I like travelling by train in India, especially the night train. The berths are really comfortable, it’s air-conditioned, and I sleep like a baby, rocked by the movements of the train. The best night of my last journey was from Madurai to Kanyakumari. I had boarded in the middle of the night, after quite a long wait at the station. After the usual good sleep, I woke up around 6am, when many people got off at some station in the middle of nowhere. I woke up in a complete different landscape. Day-break, the train was riding in the middle of rice-fields, palm-trees everywhere, a mountain here and there, the sun rising slowly, still some mist on the banana-trees. A moment of pure magic. I stood up by the door, enjoying the chilled air of the approaching sea.

Last saturday I went back to childhood to play seriously with "collages", cutting out bits of pictures to put them together and create a new image. That was really fun! and it gave me the will to go on with that.